Children rarely or never dare to have a happier or more successful life than their parents. Unconsciously they remain faithful to the family traditions that have been invisibly passed down from generations sabotaging their own life and happiness. The Family Constellation work is a way to discover these ties and invisible forces that have been unwittingly passing from generation to generation. Bert Hellinger
The desire to belong is inherent in all human beings. As individuals we act in accordance with the desires and norms of our groups in order to fit in and be accepted, sometimes no matter what the price. The Hellinger Approach helps us open our hearts in order to begin knowing a larger, yet more personal truth about the meaning of our existence within the context of these bigger more powerful energetic influences.
Systemic Family Therapy was first developed by the German therapist Bert Hellinger. In this therapeutic approach the person is considered as part of a greater whole – a family system. His individual behaviour, feelings and attitudes have to be understood in the context of this larger group.
As in any other system, unspoken laws operate in the family which guides our behaviour, although most of the time we are largely unaware of it. Suffering usually arises in a family member when one or more members of the system unconsciously violate these archaic laws. They do this unknowingly, not out of rebelliousness as one might expect, but out of love – what in family constellation is called ' a blind' love.
By viewing family situations in the context of a larger whole, we gain insights into the deeper reasons why things occur in a family: why individuals are pushed out, denied a place or not spoken of; and why behavioural patterns appear to repeat, often unconsciously, over generations. The family energy field or "family soul" as referred to by Bert Hellinger, serves as the basis for exploring and understanding relationships as well as eventually constructing solutions to issues that trouble our being. This family soul includes both the living and the dead and has a deep effect on the present generation.
This method looks at the patterns within the family energy field. Bert Hellinger calls these patterns "orders of love." A few of these orders are that members of a family are bound together by a common conscience, everyone has the right to belong, gains and losses are balanced over generations and the solution to our presenting issue is always based in love.
By creating a picture of the family energy field in the form of a constellation, the Hellinger Approach encourages us to turn back toward the family of origin and gain strength in a new, healthier way. Knowing that we are deeply connected to our family soul, and that neither time nor distance can alter that, we are capable of exploring the complexities of our family's past. Openly looking at our family of origin provides us with the opportunity to uncover secrets and truths, and investigate the lost and unexplained. By seeing these various components, we acknowledge deeper truths of our family soul, of the things that bind us together. When we look with open eyes, mind, and heart - void of moral judgment - we are capable of letting go of that which does not serve to our personal growth.
Most importantly, we learn to gain strength from a deeper conscious connection to the family that we are a part of. We can simply breathe and as Hellinger says, "acknowledge what is."
What has been learned from working with family energy fields is that all groups have a collective consciousness, or greater soul, that has an unconscious influence on those in the group. A way of understanding this energetic phenomenon can come from looking at our connection and identification with the various groups we belong to. First and foremost, the strongest soul group we are attached to is our family of origin. After that, there is our connection to our heritage and the groups that represent our cultural background. These can include family religions, racial and ethnic backgrounds we were born into, the part of the country we live in and the nation or state we identify with. Each of these larger soul groups possesses a conscious and unconscious energetic influencing our behaviour.
Family Constellation is rooted in the understanding that through the acknowledgement of what is as it is, and by becoming aware of our basic entanglements, we are able to move beyond the family. Our way of relating becomes more open, conscious and flexible.
